如果

Have you ever wanted something so much that it breaks you heart a little every time you think of it?

Have you ever wanted something so much that you'd cling ever so tightly to the memory of it in fear that it will drift away?

Have you ever wanted something so much that it even visits you in your dreams as though it is calling you...as though it is the natural order of things.

If only I was more confident, perhaps it would have happened. If only I had loosen my grip, perhaps it would have returned. If only I stopped dreaming and focused on reality, perhaps it would have seen and felt my sincerity.

If only (如果)...I could develop the strength to find my closure.

Am I stuck in Never Never Land?

Scenario 1:
You have an appointment with a Banker who is taking care of the investments your company has been making. He comes to your office to discuss new investment opportunities moving forward...as the discussion was building...He stops...stares at you...and said "your eyes look different...its nice...are you wearing colored contacts?

In such a situation, what would you do?

What normal 24 year old people would do:
Yea, I'm wearing grey contacts because I am vain and would like to look different.

This is what I did:
After his comment, I smiled and without thinking of my reputation I put on a serious face and said...Actually, (nodding dispassionately) I fell sick some time ago, it was some kind of a virus that drained the color of my eyes. (and a sniff to seal the lie) To my utter amusement, he believed me! In my mind I was thinking...crap I just lied and this Aussie bloke believes me! Anyway, I said it was a joke and we laughed it off.


Scenario 2:
You are at a restaurant, after dinner you want to order dessert so that you can continue sitting there having elevated conversations with your friends. However they only have Sticky rice and Banana. You gave it some thought, but felt you could not divulge it after a heavy meal.

Will you order it?

What normal people would do:
Order a cup of tea. Or if everyone is up for it, order that sticky rice and banana to be shared by all.

This is what happened:
Emm...how much for just the banana?

Naturally, everyone laughed at that gesture.

But honestly, what is wrong with just wanting the banana?

~*~

It is very interesting how certain people interpret this type of personality.

1) It could mean I am dwelling in never never land where children never grow up. The danger in this is that I would remain naive about whats happening in the world, which ultimately leads to being treated as a door mat. But contrary to that, having a certain amount of naivety helps me deal with negativity and have a more optimistic outlook on life. And also for argument sake, just because I don't say anything, does not mean I do not know people are taking advantage of me!

2) It could also mean a level of detachment from self consciousness - a way of letting go of the "self" that we talked about in earlier posts.
There are standards in which people have set...that expects us to act and react a certain way. Such norms or social rules can be observed as appropriate or inappropriate values, beliefs, attitudes and behaviors. The reason we are trapped in this is because most people do it, thus considered as "normal".

Let me ask you a question...Just because everyone does it, does it mean it is right?

I reckon, if we set and align our thoughts and actions to that of a higher nature, we would not go stray the path of abasement.