Scary dream (sniff)

I had the most horrid dream ever - in my entire life - it was horrible - I would say this won the "Scariest Dream Award".

I "woke up" in my bed back home in Malaysia, the soft linen on my face, the smell of Apricot softener calms my mind as I slowly adjust my mind to the current moment, my eyes are closed but I am still aware of my surroundings.

Suddenly, I felt something move beneath my comforter. My eyes immediately open wide with fear that what I think it is, is actually what it is! I leaped out from bed, inches away from hitting my head on the bed above my own.

At that moment, I SAW IT! I worst enemy was staring back at me. I wasn't sure whose eyes reflected more fear; it felt like multiple lives passed with both human and rodent transfixed with trepidation.

All of a sudden, IT LEAPED unto my direction. Reacting to it's move, I was surprised that I did not run the opposite direction or scream until my heart pops out from my mouth, instead I caught it with my bare hands! One hand holding it's upper body which was able to hold it's head still so that it can't bite me, while the other held it's bottom half of the body so that it can't wiggle itself out from my crouches.

Amazed with my reflexes and shocked with my gruesome behavior, I just stood there while the gears in my head shifted and the cogs interlocked to determine an option on how to dispose of it.

It starts to wiggle! And what seems like an eternity, it wiggles some more!

I did NOT like the feeling!

And what happens next is so gruesome and heartless that I find myself wondering if 'that' is my true nature...

...With my own hands, I broke that little creature in two hoping that it will die.

Holding it for a few seconds, it moves again! This time, I use my teeth to bite it till it stops moving. I can feel that it's life is slowing draining from it's little body...but I don't feel remorse.

A slight grin crosses my face. It can only be seen if you look closely into my eyes...you do know, that your eyes never lie.

To my horror, it is still alive! Probably near death, but I was not willing to give it a chance to recover. I took it out to the back of my house; I see the neighbor's cat. I forced it to eat the dying rodent held in my hands.

I woke up in my room, my heart beating like mad. I start to tear. The feeling of remorse, of cruelty, of regret bombarded me that I could not remember how to breathe.

What is life? What is the reason for my existence? Who was I? Am I the girl who people see me to be? Or is this all an act? Perhaps I am dysfunctional...perhaps something went wrong along the way which created the monster in me. Perhaps, that sleeping creature has awaken and it wants to be revealed...